Supporting Your Young Hockey Player

Supporting Your Young Hockey Player with Strategies from "It Takes What It Takes"

As a parent of a youth ice hockey player, you play a vital role in shaping your child’s mindset, resilience, and enjoyment of the game. While coaches focus on strategies and skill development on the ice, parents can help their children adopt mental toughness and focus off the ice. Trevor Moawad’s It Takes What It Takes offers practical advice that parents can use to support their young athletes in becoming not just better players, but more confident and resilient individuals.

In this blog, we’ll explore how Moawad’s philosophy of “neutral thinking” can empower you to foster a positive yet grounded mindset in your child. By focusing on actionable strategies, you can help your child navigate the highs and lows of the game and develop life skills that extend far beyond the rink.

Understanding Neutral Thinking

Neutral thinking is the idea of staying focused on facts and the present moment, rather than spiraling into negativity or relying on overly optimistic thinking. For youth hockey players, this means learning to stay calm after a mistake or loss, while focusing on what they can control moving forward.

As a parent, you can model and reinforce this approach to help your child approach challenges with clarity and confidence.

Strategies for Parents to Support Their Youth Hockey Player

#1. Model Neutral Language

The way you talk about the game, their performance, and even the opposing team can influence your child’s mindset. Avoid emotional reactions or definitive statements that create undue pressure.

- Instead of: “You always miss that shot!”

- Say: “That was a tough play—what do you think you can do next time?”

By modeling calm, fact-based language, you teach your child to approach their performance objectively.

2. Focus on Effort Over Outcome

In hockey, results like goals and wins are important, but they aren’t always within your child’s control. Instead of emphasizing outcomes, praise their effort, attitude, and discipline.

- After a game, ask: “What did you feel good about during the game?” or “What’s one thing you think you improved on today?”

When you shift the focus from results to process, you help your child build confidence in their own growth and ability.

3. Help Reframe Mistakes as Learning Moments

Youth hockey players are going to miss shots, take penalties, and make bad passes. Instead of dwelling on mistakes, guide your child in viewing them as opportunities to improve.

- Encourage reflection: “What could you do differently in that situation next time?”

- Reinforce growth: “Mistakes happen to everyone—it’s how we learn and get better.”

This perspective helps your child bounce back from adversity and keep improving.

4. Control the Post-Game Conversation

The car ride home after a game is often when parents unintentionally add pressure or stress. Instead of analyzing every detail or pointing out flaws, let your child take the lead.

- Ask open-ended questions like: “What was your favorite moment in the game?”

- Or, simply say: “I’m proud of how hard you worked today.”

This creates a safe space for your child to process the game without fear of judgment.

5. Emphasize the Power of Small, Positive Actions

One of the core principles in It Takes What It Takes is that small, consistent actions build success. Encourage your child to focus on simple, controllable habits, like hustling to the puck, staying in position, or supporting their teammates.

Remind them: “Doing the little things well every shift is what makes the big moments happen.”

6. The Bigger Picture: Developing Life Skills Through Hockey

The beauty of hockey is that it teaches skills that go far beyond the game. By applying the principles in Moawad’s book, you can help your child develop:

- Resilience: The ability to recover quickly from setbacks.

- Focus: The discipline to concentrate on what they can control.

- Growth Mindset: A belief in their ability to improve through effort and learning.

These are the tools that will not only make your child a better hockey player but also prepare them for challenges in school, relationships, and life.

Final Thoughts

As a parent, you have the unique opportunity to be your child’s greatest supporter and role model. By incorporating strategies from It Takes What It Takes, you can help them navigate the highs and lows of youth hockey with confidence and clarity. Remember, your role isn’t to critique or fix every mistake—it’s to provide encouragement, perspective, and a foundation for growth.

Hockey is more than a game; it’s a journey. By teaching your child the power of neutral thinking, you’re setting them up for success on the ice and beyond.

Moawad, T., & Staples, A. (2020). It takes what it takes: How to think neutrally and gain control of your life. HarperOne.